revolution/all she wrote

as the year ends, i find myself moved by an unexpected visit from a friend earlier today. within minutes, a quick trip by to pick up an item borrowed for last night’s party turned into a deep and unrelenting perusal of my latent talents and (dismal) career trajectory.

my visitor was a good friend, an honest friend, and her message was simple:
quit looking for jobs, tiffany. paint, write, sell, publish.

she looked around my apartment, marveling at the art on the walls–from visually graphic, text-based oil paintings to a framed and matted charcoal self-portrait and a black-and-white lithograph paying tribute to the late basquiat. it was as if she’d never been to my place before, the way she consumed all that hung on my walls.

she hasn’t been by often, i guess, but today she seemed to see it all with new eyes. maybe something we discussed last night triggered the urgency of her message (“i’m SERIOUS, tiffany…). maybe now that she’s a homeowner who’s decided to commission a painting, she’s taking a closer look at what i’m capable of (“you could be making MONEY. have you read iyanla vanzant’s book?”). maybe she just sees how this year has gone for me… feeling completely unfulfilled on the job, then losing the job, then losing my dad, then going back to looking for jobs. i’m not sure how i’m able to smile. shit is actually pretty fucked up right now, but i’m maintaining…just constantly wondering what life would be like off this particular wretched journey. that is, the journey to Get A Job.

she, along with several other close friends have always urged me to keep writing, keep painting, don’t hide all that good stuff away too long…

so if i have anything to say of 2010, it’s simply, good-bye. and to 2011, hello. dad’s death has me in constant appreciation for life. as long as i’m breathing, i have a chance to get this thang right. i think i said it last year and i still mean it. i’m not into resolutions, i’m into revolution–lord knows i need a personal.

and that is all she wrote.