Things You Shouldn’t Ask Me (or Other Non-Pregnant, Pregnant, or Postpartum Women)

1. (Even if I pass on drinks; even if I am noticeably pregnant) “Are you pregnant?”
2. (And if I have indicated that I am pregnant) “So. Was this pregnancy planned?”
3. (And if I have the baby or don’t have it) “Are you going to get your tubes tied now?”

Note: The answer to all of these questions is, “None of your fucking business.”