i received these words from my cousin:
“It just occurred to me that you’re most like God the Creator when your creative juices are flowing. Therein lies your power to create prosperity. Not only am I proud of you…I also believe in you.”
funny. i doubt she knows how ambivalent i am about the concept of God.(1) how undeserving i feel to be thought “like God.” my name, tiffany, means epiphany, Latin, for manifestation of God. it’s such a beautiful gift to have, but such a complex feeling and identity to consider. my mother was a jehovah’s witness. my father hated her JW crew.(2)
i wanted jehovah to reveal himself. he never did. so i stopped asking Him to.
some might say, but don’t you see Him in the design of the maple trees, in the core of an apple, in the eye of (wo)man…? i do find nature awe-inspiring.(3) something to revere even. but it doesn’t translate into a viable understanding of creation for me. nor of a potential creator that i could easily believe in.(4)
the JWs used to preach that it was somehow foolish or simple to miss such an obvious definition. explanation. i’m getting off point though. i come very close to believing (in G_d) when i look into the eyes of infants. that something so small and perfect could emerge from the union of two, whether in love or in hate or in hell or in heaven on earth, two people–of any kind–could create through one act, another being, perfect in formation… that’s something that amazes me and makes me wonder (longer) where i am, how did i get here, and why am i here?
furthermore, art does something. through the hands of artists pass magic. in search of her truth…the artist creates authentic and accurate expressions of her understanding of life. these cycles just continue until artists die. and what they leave, are the things we carry, and hold on to, in collective attempts to understand…
i agree with my cousin, whether or not, i believe… thou art (is) god…
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1. during the literature review for a jewish client’s ad campaign, my creative team stumbled upon an interesting practice among orthodox jews. as a way of preserving the sacredness of God’s name, they instead write G_d. they are not to write it out God’s name in its entirety. said to prevent others from destroying the name of God, the rule also allows for the writing of Gd. when i think of GD, i think of people trying to get their “geeee-D,” actualy G.E.D., a general equivalency diploma for high school dropouts. also related to those two letters, “GD Fool!” my brother used to yell out. the Gangsta Disciples. that’s right, the blue team. but anyway…i digress.
2. JW reminds me of GW, as in where my mom and aunts used to take me shopping. and as an adult, “come on, tiff. we going to the g-dubya.” the almighty goodwill. not to be confused with Bushwack George (Dubya).
3. just this morning, i marveled too long at the trees, so impressed by the vegetation of one quiet, residential block. i wanted, desperately, to live in a 3-story walk-up that featured a veritable, dense, mini-forest right in its front yard. plants i don’t know the name of, in 15 varieties, big fern-y looking leaves, zillions of tiny, purple flowers with spiky, dark leaves, plants above and underfoot, trees and life fully in spring form. my daughter didn’t give a shit about how beautiful it was, though she listened while i marveled. she’s good like that.
4. i heard someone say recently, that believing is never easy… “having faith is the hardest part of all…”
Nonfiction Woman 