thursday

day 2…thank goodness the weather is nice. being unemployed in chicago in the winter could make one suicidal. today, as i walked the sunny streets of obamahood, a little self-pity and bitterness simmered. i sent negative text messages to friends such as, “haiku for job loss/i didn’t see it coming/guess i’ll make some art,” and “I am idle hands, the devil’s bitch. Been blogging though. Planning to live. Love, fuck, and laugh. Ha ha ha. See?” i didn’t feel, or really look the part. instead, i rather enjoyed walking and feeling the weight of my hair and the breeze that tousled it. through large sunglasses, i stared at the crazy morning men who walked the streets, some horny, some angry, some broke as a joke. some spoke to me, others thought bad things (i could tell). one man, with gold teeth and jewelry, skinny legs in khaki shorts, smiled “good afternoon, mam.” i replied “good morning” without slowing down and heard him puzzle over which it really was. shortly after that, i saw a latino guy with no shirt on get tossed against a wall and black fists flying. i’d read in the paper that morning that a series of simulated crises are scheduled to occur over the next five days in the city. a plane crash, an el train evacuation due to “simulated explosives manufactured by a terrorist group on a CTA train”, and even a few terrorist situations with an added promise in the paper of “casualties.” (wtf) i’d been mulling that thought excitedly all morning, and walking right into the path of violence made this day tantalizingly unreal. my chicken shit ass jogged the other way and didn’t think of calling the police until i was many blocks away. i’ve just been in a cloud observing things. i’m dying to see the plane crash (from a safe distance) and especially these paid casualties. but mostly, i am excited about just walking among the people, smelling the air, and finding out what is going on in the world away from my last job… curious about what people are doing on weekdays, how they’re living and dying and moving through life. i’m dying to bum it in ny for a week or a month, just to feel these energies on a higher vibration… but i also feel inclined to make things… make up my mind, make plans, a table, a book or new look. a life, a new existence, a painting, a poem, some kind of document to prove my own ability. existence. will. last night, i went to a bar and listened to a band. sipped a vodka, laughed and chatted with the pianist. ran into a man i know, giggled with a girlfriend, inhaled the night’s rainy air. this morning, i’m off to an editing class. how ironic…my former job paid for it, so i’ll sit in it, finish the work, and get the *professional development* certificate. it buts ever so slightly into my living/breathing/inhaling new life plans…but then again, i can use all the development i can get these days. it’s friday. life ain’t half bad. god, the sun helps…so peace to the sun gods…