for about 10 years, i’ve studied astrology from time to time–specifically, the effect of one’s moon sign on his/her personality, and also, astro-compatibility. once i found out there was more to astrology than the consistently useless horoscopes found in the “red book” (my hometown’s weekly circular printed on newsprint that advertised pork rib specials, african hair braiding, and inner city furniture deals), and other mags and publications, i grew increasingly interested. i guess what led me to investigate deeper was an ex who was obsessed by the fact that he and i share a birthday. funny thing, despite that seemingly great cosmic connection, it didn’t take long for the differences between us, clearly laid out in our astrological charts, to send us on our separate ways. i already knew that we were not ‘the same’, but comparing our charts completely piqued my interest. for one thing, we’re both october libras, born on the exact same day, but 2 years apart and in different states. we are both libras with scorpio rising, but his moon sign is aquarius, and mine is scorpio. over time, i began to understand those two things are HUGE as far as astrology goes…. eventually, those differences (among other things) proved insurmountable and we parted ways, but my interest in my moon sign and what it meant to my life never subsided. i have scorpio rising and scorpio moon. to most, that means nothing. but to them that know, it means, my chart and therefore, my being, is dominated (because of just those two houses) by scorpion traits.
i am very curious about the scientific side of astrology, and the validity of the claim that the planets’ alignment at the time of one’s birth have so much bearing on how a life is lived, but lately i don’t do nearly as much research as i’d like to. instead, i primarily generate charts for friends when, say, a new boyfriend shows up, or some celebrity or other televised personality (sarah palin or obama, for instance; aquarius and leo, respectively) begs to be deciphered. and i freqeuently check the compatibility between all kinds of people, for my own amusement and for clarification of hunches. the other day, i visited the astro site i consider most credible (obviously, there are tons of bs ones out there), and caught a glimpse of an article focusing on the 12th house and what it represents in one’s astrological chart. apparently, it has a historical reputation for being the house of secrets and one’s karma; confinement and imprisonment; mystery, mysticism, and things hidden; and the house of one’s own undoing. more crypitically, the 12th house speaks to things unnoticed by self, but obvious to others…. “Things you cannot see” would be the game show category for this house, is how the article put it.
i read on, did some more digging, and found out i also have (my) moon in the 12th house–or scorpio in the 12th house. this essentially provides me with a triple dose of scorpio in my chart, and what often feels like an overdose of melancholy, passion, anger/rage, curiosity, detachment/attachment, over-protectiveness, and an unwavering commitment to/interest in caring for babies. apparently, these 12th house dictates stem from my mother’s emotional circumstances surrounding my birth, and later, the mothering i did and did not receive.
often scorpio moon people have issues with their mother. and though the home created by a dominant mother who didn’t quite
- know what she was doing as she began to parent;
- get the effect of her icy detachment, iron-fisted discipline, or tough love;
- know that the effort she put into raising a ‘strong’ girl who doesn’t buckle under pressure (or melt under from the attentions of a man) weren’t necessarily the best qualities to pass down
isn’t so uncommon, perhaps the situations created by the mother who burdened her daughter with all of these things at once (say, in an oppressive religious environment) is little more obscure, a little more oppressive–that was a mouthful, (i wish i remember how to diagram sentences…that doozy has troubled me for a couple of days now…) but hey, this is my blog. i can actually stop the sentences and start them where i want. that one, like my childhood, has just wrapped itself too tightly around something that can’t be contained in such a small space. and that, folks, is pretty much the effect my mother had on me. and so, i internalized too much for too long. hardened by a mom who didn’t show softness at any point in her life, rebuffed as a little girl for wanting to be near this glamorous but biting mother figure, and taught to shut (the fuck) up unless it was convenient to show off (something like a show pony) or speak for her friends, i behaved myself. and at 13, the same year i got my last “whupping,” i began to write. the scorpio energy had to be released somewhere eventually, and i was far too practical to unleash my pain unto a harshly unreceptive audience, one i had to suffer until at least 18. as i grew older, i wrote more, and better understood that my mom has seen and been through a lot more than i can ever fathom. i learned to look past some of what i endured and developed compassion for her. i always wonder if, while she was young, she suffered molestation or other perverse indiscretions at the hands of adults – namely men. she instilled in me such a great concern for self-protection, caution, and most importantly, survival. she frequently warned, in unnecessarily explicit detail and exaggeration, just what men might do to me given the chance. that i was born when the moon was in scorpio seems just about right. that my mother is a scorpio (sun) makes the story even more intriguing…and painful.
nonetheless, back to my original interest in astrology–it stems from the discrepancies between my traditional sun sign horoscope readings and what i now know are scorpio tendencies. see, my sun sign is libra, an air sign. i’m supposed to be cheerful, affable, pleasant to be around, perhaps a little flighty, with good/balanced features and style, a pleasant demeanor, and a knack for socializing. however, unless i’ve tossed back a few drinks, i’m not at all the social butterfly, especially with strangers. to them, i’d guess (or, i’ve been told) i can appear standoffish, aloof, or unapproachable. of course, i can be goofy and fun (more like wild and crazy), light-hearted, and playful, but almost exclusively in the comfort and private company of those very close to me. i prefer to dress in black usually, tend toward the morose, suck at small talk, can be socially awkward (as a result of overthinking, no doubt), and am a poor excuse for a liar. maybe as a result of my lifestyle, or as a result of said rearing by scorpio mother, i’m not at all too interested in idle conversations with people i don’t know; i guess i’m fairly guarded. i read people quickly and make character judgments almost instantaneously–which contrasts starkly with lady libra who thrives on new social contacts. (**side note: i am tryingto be kinder to those who i don’t think really matter… it’s an interesting time to be an american…and a human. i think the world could use more friendliness and compassion overall, but that’s another topic…) the scorpio in me seems to be gravitating toward the paranoid lately; perhaps i tend to think like a criminal, so as to remain unharmed by them. or perhaps, i am just an artist with a vivid imagination, one who tends to see the black before i see the white. i’ve abandoned lots of notions i’ve owned over time about simple positive thinking, and hell if i ain’t getting even more hard-nosed in my approach (words have power, sure, but hard work = results)…trying to keep my emotional mush to a minimum (thank the lord for my grumpy bf – i suspect he knows when the front is crumbling) (i hope)… (i wonder if my deep curiosity might account for the disturbing dreams i have on a regular basis, or if this 12th house moon has everything to do with my subconscious thought patterns. i also wonder if the more i wonder about my weird dreams, the more i make them happen.) either way you cut it, none of this pensive, emotional brooding is very libra of me. **i do want to note here–i strongly believe personality is not solely based on astrology, but also on the cultural, racial, socio-economic, and personal multiplicities of family circumstances and rearing humans find themselves birthed into. one’s chart is but the blueprint. and now that i’ve thrown a plethora of randomness into this posting, all under the auspice of scorpion tendencies, i will tell you how to find out your astro specifics, should you be so inclined. mainly, know this:
- one’s sun sign can be interpreted as what one tries to appear as; how they think they should behave…when the sun is up
- one’s moon sign can be defined as what one actually is, internally, when alone and unobserved, at night…
- one’s rising sign (also known as 1st house, or ascendant) can be understood as what is actually seen by others–regardless of what one attempts to present themselves as
you can quickly generate your own chart at astro.com, but you will need to know the exact time and geographic location of your birth. what is generated will be a blueprint. use the wonderful internet to decipher the meaning of your houses and other planetary alignments… what you have in venus determines how you love, mars how you think, and your 8th house is all about death and sex. see above for 12th house stuff, and hope it’s not moon/scorpio in the 12th.
Nonfiction Woman 